April282012
“How many men have walked to their cars holding their keys like spikes between each knuckle? How many have stared into the faces of those they pass, willing themselves to memorize facial features in the event that they find themselves sitting across from a sketch-artist, drinking bad coffee, shaking, and explaining the bump of a nose or the curve of a chin? How many are made to feel like it is their job to catalog the shape of victimization, prove their pain, and alter their mental state to accommodate it? For how many men is this perversion their only expectation of normalcy?” essence of my conversation with a dear friend over coffee. (via missl0nelyhearts)

(via homoerotics)

March302012
“I adore the way fan fiction writers engage with and critique source texts, but manipulating them and breaking their rules. Some of it is straight-up homage, but a lot of [fan fiction] is really aggressive towards the source text. One tends to think of it as written by total fanboys and fangirls as a kind of worshipful act, but a lot of times you’ll read these stories and it’ll be like ‘What if Star Trek had an openly gay character on the bridge?’ And of course the point is that they don’t, and they wouldn’t, because they don’t have the balls, or they are beholden to their advertisers, or whatever. There’s a powerful critique, almost punk-like anger, being expressed there—which I find fascinating and interesting and cool.” Lev Grossman (via theadventuresofcargline)

(via homoerotics)

February182012

On a somewhat serious note today because of a conversation the other day:

I am sure every girl can recall, at least once as a child, coming home and telling their parents, uncle, aunt or grandparent about a boy who had pulled her hair, hit her, teased her, pushed her or committed some other playground crime. I will bet money that most of those, if not all, will tell you that they were told “Oh, that just means he likes you”. I never really thought much about it before having a daughter of my own. I find it appalling that this line of bullshit is still being fed to young children. Look, if you want to tell your child that being verbally and/or physically abused is an acceptable sign of affection, i urge you to rethink your parenting strategy. If you try and feed MY daughter that crap, you better bring protective gear because I am going to shower you with the brand of “affection” you are endorsing.

When the fuck was it decided that we should start teaching our daughters to accept being belittled, disrespected and abused as endearing treatment? And we have the audacity to wonder why women stay in abusive relationships? How did society become so oblivious to the fact that we were conditioning our daughters to endure abusive treatment, much less view it as romantic overtures? Is this where the phrase “hitting on girls” comes from? Well, here is a tip: Save the “it’s so cute when he gets hateful/physical with her because it means he loves her” asshattery for your own kids, not mine. While you’re at it, keep them away from my kids until you decide to teach them respect and boundaries.

My daughter is `10 years old and has come home on more than one occasion recounting an incident at school in which she was teased or harassed by a male classmate. There has been several times when someone that she was retelling the story to responded with the old, “that just means he likes you” line. Wrong. I want my daughter to know that being disrespected is NEVER acceptable. I want my daughter to know that if someone likes her and respects her, much less LOVES her, they don’t hurt her and they don’t put her down. I want my daughter to know that the boy called her ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair didn’t do it because he admires her, it is because he is a little asshole and assholes are an occurrence of society that will have to be dealt with for the rest of her life. I want my daughter to know how to deal with assholes she will encounter throughout her life. For now, I want my daughter to know that if someone is verbally harassing her, she should tell the teacher and if the teacher does nothing, she should tell me. If someone physically touches her, tell the teacher then, if it continues, to yell, “STOP TOUCHING/PUNCHING/PUSHING ME” in the middle of class or the hallway, then tell me. Last year, one little boy stole her silly bandz from her. He just grabbed her and yanked a handful of them off of her wrist. When I went to the school to address the incident, the teacher smiled and explained it away to her, in front of me, “he probably has a crush on you”. Okay, the boy walked up to my daughter, grabbed and held her by the arm and forcibly removed her bracelets from her as she struggled and you want to convince her that she should be flattered? Fuck off. I am going to punch you in the face but I hope you realize it is just my way of thanking you for the great advice you gave my daughter. If these same advice givers’ sons came home crying because another male classmate was pushing them, pulling their hair, hitting them or calling them names, I would bet dollars to donuts they would tell him to defend themselves and kick the kid’s ass, if necessary. They sure as shit wouldn’t say, “he probably just wants a play date”.

I will teach my daughter to accept nothing less than respect. Anyone who hurts her physically or emotionally doesn’t deserve her respect, friendship or love. I will teach my boys the same thing as well as the fact that hitting on girls doesn’t involve hitting girls. I can’t teach my daughter to respect herself if I am teaching her that no one else has to respect her. I can’t raise sons that respect women, if I teach them that bullying is a valid expression of affection.

The next time that someone offers up that little “secret” to my daughter, I am going to slap the person across the face and yell, “I LOVE YOU”.

You Didn’t Thank Me For Punching You in the Face « Views from the Couch (via golden-notebook)

A very good post on casual sexism and the asshole apologists who defend it.

(via stfuapologists)

(via homoerotics)

February122012

LOST: SELF-RESPECT (REBLOG FOR SIGNAL BOOST)

gublerwood:

I don’t know, you guys. I’m really at a loss here. I can’t find my self-respect. It seems I have misplaced it. Here’s a photo of me with my self-respect fully intact: 

See? Look at how happy I look? I’m fully clothed and you can just see the self-respect radiating off of me. 

But somewhere in between that picture being taken and this picture being taken…. 

My self-respect seems to have vanished… And I’m getting really worried because I’m starting to think I’ve become a little bit of a slut? I looked up the symptoms of being a slut and I have them all: 

  • sudden awareness of control over one’s body 
  • sudden awareness of control over one’s sexuality 
  • sudden awareness of control over one’s sex life 
  • sudden awareness of rights over one’s mind and body 
  • consensually taking part in sexual activities with one or more partners 

And I won’t even go on with the list because there are just too many symptoms that prove that I’ve become a slut :( I really don’t know what happened. Ever since I lost my self-respect, my life has just become an abyss and I’ve just become this really terrible person with a really terrible life and I just want to find my self-respect so I can once again lead a fulfilling life. I want to be pure once more. I want to feel whole. 

Please, if you have any information of any sort on where my self-respect might have gone, feel free to call me at 1-800-INTERNALISED-MISOGYNY

Or try me on my cell 

1-800-I-LOVE-SLUT-SHAMING 

Thank you for your time. 

(Source: myratter, via homoerotics)

1PM

a brief monograph on the topic of the strong female character:

gyzym:

Right okay so here’s the deal: strong female character? Is an awesome, awesome term when it means “strongly written female character.” Please assume, for the duration of this post, that that is what *I* mean when I’m using it; I don’t know what everyone else means, and maybe I missed some kind of memo or something, but as I am getting the impression that I would have torn that memo up if I had received it, it’s probably for the best. 

Here are some things a strong female character NEEDS to have: 

  • Consistent characterization
  • A personality/life purpose that is not hinged solely on furthering the plots of the men around her
  • THAT’S IT

Here are some things a strong female character CAN have, but does not NEED to have: 

  • A vagina
  • A sex drive 
  • A take-no-shit attitude
  • A gun fixation 
  • The tendency to tell dudes to go fuck themselves

Here are some things a strong female CAN’T have: 

  • [Data not found] 

Here are some things we need to stop doing, as a population of human beings: 

  • Defining people, for the positive or negative, solely based on their genders 
  • Determining what women “can” or “cannot” be in order to be considered “strong” 
  • Shaming each other for our behaviors, opinions and actions instead of contributing to change 

THAT’S ALL, THE END

(via homoerotics)

February72012

Anti-femme culture (and feminists aren’t immune to this) thinks the effort put into femme presentation is a waste of time and energy – or, at the very least, time and energy that could have been spent doing something more important. Anti-femme culture thinks ‘pretty’ probably means ‘dumb’ even when struggling against a culture obsessed with an impossibly narrow beauty standard. Anti-femme culture thinks you can’t do math AND do your nails.

We are humans! We contain multitudes! I do not think it is a problem that teenaged girls are interested in experimenting with presentation via fashion; I think it’s ridiculous and misogynist that they are ONLY encouraged to do that – and that boys don’t have the same freedom of expression.

The Rotund by Marianne Kirby (via ellielamothe)

(via homoerotics)

February52012
February22012
“I want a future where women and girls get to be the subject of their own sexuality, not the object of somebody else’s. That we are the main characters in our own play, not props in somebody else’s—which is how women’s sexuality is treated now. Whatever the outside attitudes about sexuality it’s always about somebody’s agenda for us, and I want a world where we can have our own.” Jaclyn Friedman (ConsentFest talks about sex, and wants to add more voices | OpenFile)

(via homoerotics)

January302012
“You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female”.” You Don’t Have to Be Pretty (via wewantrevolutiongirlstylenow)

(Source: fuckyeahfeminists, via homoerotics)

January272012

Next in “All My Sherlock feels”:

ohmister:

Someone tagged the secret I last responded to with the following:

Tagged as: I’m a feminist. I ship Sherlock/John like there’s no tomorrow. and I absolutely love Moffat’s portrayal of Irene Adler. but the more I think about it the more I’m convinced that all the hate for Moffat’s female characters has nothing to do with feminism. or feminist ethics or whatever. but with the fact that he writes really strong women. and it can sometimes be difficult for teenage or twenty-something girls to identify with them. like most of us are more like Molly than Irene or River.

And I just… no. All my rage, I just. Flames. Flames… on the side of my face.

I hate this shit. I hate this dismissive bullshit that says you can’t possibly be offended or see sexism in Moffat’s female characters, you’re just ~jealous because you’re not as “strong” as they are. It strikes me as, despite the author’s claims to be a feminist, very anti-feminist and sexist in and of itself (“oh, you silly girls are just jealous, you don’t really have legitimate concerns!”). Dismissing women’s concerns as simply “jealousy” or an inability to identify with strong women? God, that’s pretty fucking sexist, isn’t it?

I won’t start in on Moffat’s women in Doctor Who. To be perfectly honest with you, I’ve had that discussion so many times by now that it runs my temper straight into surface-of-the-sun temperature range and I just… can’t. But the next time you think Moffat isn’t sexist, just remember what he did to Amy Pond. Just remember River Song running about asking if she looks fat or her hair’s alright in the middle of World War II.

As far as Sherlock goes, I agree wholeheartedly with what someone once said here on Tumblr (I don’t have the source, though): Any story in which Irene Adler loses to Sherlock Holmes is inherently sexist. That doesn’t touch the character, but I feel it sets the tone. I won’t go into all my issues here, because… frankly, I have a bus to catch in a few hours and shouldn’t do it on an empty stomach. But a few points, briefly:

1) Moffat’s Adler is a “strong women” brought to her knees - in the end literally - by her emotions. Her feelings. She was beaten because she ~fell in love. If you really think this isn’t ridiculously sexist, I don’t think we’re watching the same show.

2) Her sexuality was everything. Literally. Everything about her seemed defined by her sexuality. Her profession, her personality, her manner of dress, her interactions with others, etc. Sure, this can look like “empowered woman who is secure in her sexuality”… but to me, it’s an unrealistic portrayal that reduces Adler to her sexuality and nothing more. It is everything. Which brings me to my next point.

3) They sexualised and demeaned her “title.” In the short story, “A Scandal in Bohemia,” Sherlock Holmes is the one who gives Adler the name of “The Woman” - a title of respect from a nineteenth century man who has never met a woman of his match before, who outwitted him and thus became singular in his view. In Moffat’s Sherlock, “The Woman” is Adler’s working title as a dominatrix, making it something that she did not earn through her own virtue as well as making it an inherently sexual title - which adds to point number two as well as making me, personally, feel incredibly awkward when Sherlock addresses her that way (because it is her title as a sex worker, her byname, his refusal to call her by name rather than using that seems dirty, demeaning — it indicates a lack of respect, where in the ACD stories the title was a mark of respect). The sexism here should be quite obvious even to the most casual viewer.

4) Her, um, lesbianism. I don’t know about you all, but as a queer woman, this infuriated me. I was on with the idea of a lesbian Irene Adler. I love that, I think it would be awesome. But no, lo and behold, Moffat has the only person Adler actually falls for be… a man. Sherlock Holmes. She is never shown to have an actual relationship or anything of the sort with a woman - she is shown “working” with one woman,  and makes one or two comments about her assistant, and that’s it. This is both homophobic and sexist, as it reeks to high heaven of the straight male fantasy that lesbians will suddenly stop liking women for the “right guy”.

5) Irene Adler in the original story was far from a dominatrix or a master criminal. She was an adventuress and former opera singer, with no actual malicious aims. I find portraying her as a criminal mastermind to be fairly sexist if only because it implies that an “ordinary” woman could not possibly be the woman who bests Sherlock Holmes - she must be evil.

6) She couldn’t, apparently, figure out what to do with all that blackmail material  she had… until she was told what to do with it by a man. Er. What.

As I said, not an exhaustive list— but enough to be getting on with. I’d like to disclaim here before someone accuses me of it that I do not, for the record, believe that sex or sex work is inherently demeaning or “dirty” in any way. I am a sex-positive feminist who supports legal, heavily-regulated sex work under certain circumstances. However, I must stress that I had many issues with the way Irene Adler was portrayed as a sex worker in the show, especially within the larger cultural context, the fact that the character herself seems to have been largely exported from Stephen Moffat’s wet dreams, and the overall sexist themes emenating throughout the episode. I do not mean this to be in any way a commentary on my general feelings about IRL sex work, merely the depiction of it in this show. I do, however, firmly believe that taking a title borne of legitimate respect and turning it into something basely sexual and devoid of respect is wrong and sexist, and nothing will change my mind on that.

In short, my issues with Irene Adler have nothing to do with being unable to relate to her. They have everything to do with her being a sexist caricature who was treated horribly by Stephen Moffat as her writer. Though, you are right about one thing, tagger — I can’t relate to Irene Adler as written in Sherlock. She comes across to me as entirely too one-dimensional to identify with.

(I also really, as an aside, dislike a) the idea that teenage and twenty-something girls are somehow “too immature” to identify with those characters and this is somehow a flaw rather than a fault of the writing, b) the implication that Molly is not a strong female character, and c) that there is something wrong with being like Molly. There is nothing wrong with “being a Molly” and it hardly means that you are weak or immature. For the record, I do not identify more strongly with Molly, though I love her and all other loyal, sweet Mollys out there - I identify the most with Sherlock, for reasons that are probably significantly less obvious on this blog than they are in real life.)

Anyway, now that I’ve done that tirade, I’m off to make something to eat.

If you don’t agree with me, I will ask that you do me the respect of not flaming me. I’ve got quite the day ahead of me on very little sleep, and I don’t want to start a Tumblr flame war.

(via homoerotics)

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